I am the worst mother there is; that is according to all the perfect moms out there. I’m not a stay at home mom, I party when necessary, my daughter stays with her dad on select weekends, I travel often for work and I drink wine, lots of it!
Honestly speaking, I love being a mother! It is truly the greatest joy in life, however, I do love being an adult and my own individual, so there are moments when I bask in the experiences that I have been afforded. Judge me if you must. In a recent conversation with another mother, I began to feel guilty for not being the kind of mother as expected by the world. This is how the conversation went:
Perfect Mom: Hey how’s the little miss? Is she ready for back to school?
Me: She’s great and more than excited. I’m just a little sad I wont get to see her in her ‘big girl uniform’ on the first day.
Perfect Mom: WHAT?!!! How is that possible?
Me: Gotta travel for work.
Perfect Mom: This is why I have to keep a regular job, because these moments are too important for me to miss out on.
Me: (feeling like total SH*t) This is how we eat.
Don’t get me wrong, I can also have a regular office job that doesn’t allow travel, no long nights, no weekend work but that would mean completely giving up my passion. This conversation really haunted me for a couple of days as I prepared for my trip so much so that I spoke to a close friend to get their thoughts on it. My question to them was, am I really a terrible mom?
In complete disbelief and disgust he went on to remind me of everything that I am accomplishing at the moment while raising an awesome child. He reminded me about the continuous sacrifices I make to ensure she is comfortable, healthy and well taken care of. He reminded me of the many moments she and I have when we are together and the memories we create. Finally, he recapped a time that he and my daughter had a conversation and how she boasts about me being the best mommy in the world. Can you say sigh of relief? It felt so good to be reminded of these things.
As a reinforcement and without solicitation, my mom sent me a message the other day telling me that she is proud of the job I am doing with my daughter and to allow her to grow (which is a whole different story) but it was refreshing to know that although I am not the perfect mom, I am not the worst mom and despite my commitments I continue to have the little miss at the center of everything I do. Motherhood is complex and challenging and there is no blue print for being the best mom but rule motherhood your way and never doubt your efforts. For you who may or may not need the gentle reminder, you are doing an awesome job!
The great thing about motherhood is that you get to create the experience the way you want.