If you haven’t experienced a pesky ex, then you haven’t lived. Just saying.
Joe Budden has a song called Dear Diary in which he says, “Relationships are never a threat cause I’ll erase and act like we never met.” If you’ve never heard this song, it’s okay. The song isn’t important, the message is. The point is, once a relationship has ended you have two choices: You can hold on and be a pesky ex or you can move on and make your ex think you’re dead.
On that note, here is some advice, it’s free and you don’t need to sit on our office couch to hear it!
1. Boo, you gotta let go. We get it, he/she was yours for whatever period of time. But they’re not yours anymore. It’s not attractive to text them every time something good happens to you. Or if you want to share that really cute cat video. More than likely, they only pretended to like cats to impress you.
2. Drunk text your father, literally. Not today, Satan. Drunk texting is never cute, even if they’re yours. But since they’re not yours, you do not have the right to call your ex after 5 p.m.. Unless you two share a kid, there is no reason you should even have their number. Do you not have any friends? I think there’s an iPhone app for this condition. Ask Siri, she’ll help.
3. Don’t send that friend request. If after a breakup someone unfriended you, it’s not okay to send a friend request. Maybe that person has moved on and keeping a friendship with a clingy ex doesn’t serve them any purpose. It’s genuinely uncomfortable befriending an ex and interacting with them unless you were never in love. In that case, that’s not your ex, boo.
4. Your unsolicited advice? Sit Down. Ever met an ex that wanted to give the present advice? How awkward is that? If you were an expert on him/her you would be with them. Bye Felicia.
5. Say no to bashing. We get it! He banged everything except you! He never noticed your hair cuts! She faked an orgasm even when you were just touching her breasts. Got it. Most or all of these things can lead to anger but publicly bashing your ex makes you look bad. Surely alone time with your vibrator made you happy because you stayed with the man who forced you to love a vibrating stick.
6. Learn from your mistakes. Relationships do serve a purpose. They teach us about ourselves and others. Your past relationship may have taught you to communicate more or to express yourself more clearly. Take the time to heal and to become better. Show your dog how well you’re progressing.
7. Trust your intuition. It’s often said a women’s intuition never leads her wrong. Trust it. If you have a gut feeling, trust it. Learn to trust your gut when it tells you something isn’t right. Deal with it immediately and move on. Two years later, don’t text your ex reminding them how they did you wrong.
8. Don’t be bitter, be better. Sorry about the cliche. But after a breakup – seriously heal and when you bounce back be better than you once were. Don’t just share images on Instagram about it, sincerely be a better person. Don’t be the bitter Becky telling everyone how you were treated badly and how bad of a person he is. It turns into a he say, she say kind of situation and seriously no one cares.
9. Creeper, No Creeper. It’s common knowledge that if we’re unfriended we typically have a friend who is still on their list. That friend screenshots everything he says about his current or keeps us updated on his life. Until we insist they stop. Don’t allow yourself to get into the habit of living your life through theirs. Obsessing over everything they’re doing for their partner that they never did for you. Life sucks, this is the part that sucks the most. But you have to believe, what’s for you won’t pass you by. If they’ve found true happiness elsewhere, be happy for them. Yours will find you.
10. There’s No Comparison. As women, we always look better than your exes. It’s a fact and don’t try to prove us wrong. Humans are egotistical by nature, you’ll have to forgive us. But as an ex, who cares who looks better than who? They’re with who they want and it doesn’t matter what we think of that person. The past is the past. Want to know who looks better, grab a mirror, mirror on the wall. They’re particularly hot right now.
Have more you’d like to add to the list? Let us know!